The past two weeks were tough for me. I’ve been demotivated and uninspired. I just wanted to lie in bed all day and cry. I feel so alone even though I know that there are a lot of people who are there for me. I did not know where to seek inspiration except from the Bible. And of course, God never fails. He’s the constant One who’s there for me 24/7. My boyfriend, friends and family are always there to support me as well. But sometimes, even though I know that all the resources that I need are already available to me, it’s still hard to be inspired and motivated. And knowing that, the problem is within me already.

If you’d like to know why am I uninspired or demotivated, it’s because, I want to do something significant in my life, but in contrary, I don’t want it to be big. I know that I’m called to fulfill my purpose but I’m resisting to fulfill it because I don’t want to do “big” things or do things that are “unconventional.” I’ve had experiences in my past where I’ve been very good at almost everything I do but some people hated me for that. And unknowingly, it has affected the way I do things now. It affected me in a way that, I don’t want to be outstanding anymore. I don’t want to always give my best anymore because, I’m resisting to get attention. I’m resisting to get attention because whenever I get so much attention, that was when I’ve had those past negative experiences – being bashed, bullied, or talked behind my back.

Two days ago, friends helped me realize this. They made me realize that I should not let the my past negative experiences hinder me from the purpose that God calls me to fulfill. I cannot move forward, I cannot do great things and I cannot fulfill God’s purpose because I’m trying to conform to the norm. To the norm of being mediocre, of being complacent in life and in everything. I’m sure that God is not pleased with me whenever I choose to live like this.

After I talked to those friends, I know in my heart that the success of the next steps will now depend on me. My thoughts, my focus, discipline and commitment will greatly impact my success on pursuing what God wants me to do. I have everything I need to move forward and it’s now up to me whether I want to succeed (or not) in what I should be doing.

Now, I know that what I need is a VERY HARD PUSH! And it’s hard if I will always ask for it from other people. I know that God is with me every minute of my life and what I need to do now is to help myself.

This morning, I’ve been crying to God again. Telling Him, “Loooooord. I need motivation! Walang wala. I need an inspiration!!! Para maka-usod na ako. Please. Have mercy on me.” I ate my breakfast, read the daily Bible reading, drank my coffee, prayed and went back to bed. Until all of a sudden, I remembered Marianne Mencias’ book entitled, “What’s your life’s masterpiece?” Right away, I got up, opened my container of books and looked for the said book and said to myself, “I got to read and finish this again today.” I believe that this is the Holy Spirit’s prompting. 🙂 This book has greatly inspired me two years ago. After reading this book before, I’ve become so fired up, excited to serve God in the way He shaped me. I’m praying that this book will inspire me once again to strive hard to fulfill my life purpose. To serve without thinking what others might say.

So, I’ll be starting to read again the book and I would want to share with you on my next blogpost my reflections from every chapter. If you are someone who’s looking for fulfillment at work and in life, looking for purpose and significance, you must read this book. It will help you look deeper in your heart and your being and it will help you discover your gifts and how you can bless others through them. You can try to look for a copy of this book at National Bookstore, Fully Booked and kerygmabooks.com 🙂 It’s author is, Marianne Mencias.

Until my next blogpost, thank you and God bless you! 🙂

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